Unusual Behavior
by WestCoastPickle
Summary: In a dusty corridor in Hogwarts... *Chapter 4 now posted*
1. Chapter 1

Harry was leaning heavily against the castle wall in a rarely traveled corridor at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

This, in and of itself, was not all that unusual, as Harry was in fact a 7th year student at that prestigious educational establishment and if truth be told he did have something of a reputation for exploring the multitude of unused rooms and seemingly long abandoned corridors of Hogwarts Castle. He, along with his two greatest friends, had already had so many exciting adventures and many were had right here, in the dusty and poorly lit corridors of Hogwarts.

In fact Harry's very first adventure here had to do with the "out of bounds to all those that do not wish to die a horrible death" third floor corridor wherein He, Ron and Hermione ran afoul of a gigantic three headed Cerberus with the unlikely name of "Fluffy" in their quest to find and protect the Sorcerers Stone.

So no, Harry being in a dust filled corridor somewhere in the uncharted depths of Hogwarts was not at all unusual.

However, having his closest friend push him against the wall and drop to her knees while she pulled his cock from his trousers and attempted to deep throat his John Henry like some demented side show sword swallower, all without the slightest of explanations for her behavior, would definitely qualify as somewhat out of place.

Even Harry Potter, the "Boy Who Lived", Vanquisher of Lord Voldemort, Defeater of Trolls and Dementors and Friend to all manner of Magical Creatures found her actions to be highly unusual...fucking brilliant...but still, highly unusual.

"Eh, Hermione?" Harry stammered, "While I'm certainly not complaining, in fact let me be the first to go on record as saying 'oh God that feels good', it's just that I'm wondering what brilliant, noble or heroic thing I might have done to deserve such incredible treatment? Because, if this is some kind of reward for some action of mine, I really want to know what it was...so I can do it again...as often as possible."

While Harry was babbling, as all teenage boys are wont to do when they find themselves being well and truly 'sucked off', Hermione, with the greater portion of Harry's cock still firmly lodged in her mouth simply looked up and made eye contact with the young man receiving her ministrations and having garnered his undivided attention simply smiled and went straight back to her oral and lingual explorations of the truly tremendous 'boner' belonging to the young man she had decided to make hers, body and soul.

And even Hermione, Hogwarts brightest academic light and self avowed ' bookworm' knew that the old saying that 'the way to man's heart is through his stomach' was utter rubbish, and that the fastest way to a man's 'heart' was actually straight through the end of his dick.

As Hermione continued to bob her head up and down on Harry's cock Harry was rethinking his entire attitude with regards to the lovely,and apparently quite talented, Miss Hermione Granger. For years she had been at his side and through the good times and the bad times she had been his rock. His safe harbor in the perfect storm that had been his life ever since Hagrid had kick down the door of that small shack on the island that his Uncle Vernon had taken shelter in to avoid the barrage of letters from Hogwarts intended for Harry.

Hermione was not just one of his closest friends, she was in fact Harry's best friend. Ever since the nightmare that had been his fourth year she had replaced Ron Weasely as his 'best' friend as it was she that had steadfastly stood by him and believed him when he said he did not enter himself into the Tri-Wizard Tournament whereas Ron had refused to believe his claims and had gone so far as to accuse him of being a 'glory hound' and berated him for not including Ron on his newest 'adventure'.

While Harry's mind was lost in thought his body was urgently attempting to secure his prick even further in Hermione's throat. Harry's was pulled from his remembrances when he felt that tell tale tingling in his balls that he new indicated he was about to blow and being the gentleman that he was he felt it only fair to warn Hermione of that impending fact.

"Uh Hermione...?!" Harry gasped.."if you keep that up I won't be able to hold back!"

Hermione once again met Harry's eyes and increased her sucking and slurping in what Harry took as a clear indicator that she was ready and willing to have him release in her mouth.

So he did.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been only a few days since Hermione had made her interest known in that dark corridor and Harry and her had since cemented their new relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend and while Harry had expected that Ron would be less than enthused with this revelation, his response of "about bloody time!" was not at all what Harry expected. After all Ron had spent the vast majority of the time Harry and He had been "friends" acting like a jealous, covetous twat and to hear his blithe acceptance of this radical change in their friendship paradigm was ...strangely out of the ordinary.

"So you're fine with Hermione and I as a couple?" Harry asked, somewhat incredulously.

Ron just looked at Harry as if he were mentally challenged.

"You do know that everyone at Hogwarts has thought of you two as a couple since first year right?" exclaimed Ron. " I mean despite you and her being two of the most clueless twits on the face of the planet, we all knew that you and Hermione were inevitable and we were just waiting for you both to just get with the program."

"But Ron...you and Hermione ...I thought that you and her would have eventually gotten together...I ...well to be honest I thought you'd be a bit more upset." Harry said

"Actually I half expected you to try to kick my arse." Harry mumbled to himself.

"Hey Harry just cause you were blind to her didn't mean I was you know" explained Ron. "And just because you weren't going to make a move didn't mean I wasn't gonna take a shot. But I always knew that even if we had ever gotten together the minute she finally "saw" you I would be yesterday's news. Can't say I wasn't hoping to get me a piece of that before she woke up but I honestly can't say I'm surprised about her choosing you over me."

"Besides" Ron continued "Me and Lavender kinda hooked back up the other night and I was gonna let Hermione down easily later tonight. I mean Hermione's great and all but my God have you seen the tits on Lavender!"

With that Harry simply wished Ron a good night and went to find Hermione and tell her that on one hand, the good news was that Ron was ok with them as a couple but on the other hand,the bad news was that Ron had planned to preemptively dump her for a oversized set of knockers attached to a vacuous gossip.

Harry finally caught up with Hermione and after leading her to the Room of Requirement proceeded to relay the pertinent details regarding his conversation with Ron to which her only reply was... "Oh thank God! I thought I'd never be shut of that mouth breathing troglodyte."

Once again Harry was at a loss to explain his girlfriends reaction. After all Ron had been their friend for seven years. When he tried to explain his confusion to Hermione she simply said " Really Harry, do you actually think I would have maintained any type of cordial relationship with Ronald Weasley if he hadn't been your friend? Honestly, the man has the intellect of a mentally deficient baboon and the manners of a slovenly porcine! I tolerated that man simply because to do otherwise would have alienated you from me."

'Huh?' thought Harry, 'guess you never can really know how someone will react after all'

"So" Harry asked, "Now that we have cleared the deck of one Mr. Ron Weasley, what did you have in mind for the rest of our evening?"

Hermione simply reached out and cupped Harry's cock through his trousers and replied," Oh I'm sure I can think of something to do to pass the time." She smiled sweetly.

"So tell me Harry," Hermione purred, "How would like to like to take that big cock of yours and fuck me right up the arse?"

Needless to say while Harry was expecting to take their relationship to a whole nother level he 'really' wasn't expecting that...what the bloody hell was it with everyone lately?


	3. Chapter 3

While Harry was utterly gobsmacked at Hermione's suggestion with regards to a good old fashioned buggering, Hermione however was wasting no time in getting herself ready to 'take one to the buns' as it were. She immediately a began to disrobe, quite looking forward to having her boyfriend slide that delicious man meat right up her virgin butt.

"Hermione dear" Harry stammered, "could you say that again cause I think I might have developed a slight case of aural 'wishful thinking' and would hate to make an assumption that could possibly lead you casting the '_explosivae castrati'_ curse on me"

"Honestly Harry" sighed Hermione as she paused in the middle of disrobing, "Yes, I asked you if you'd like to fuck me in my arse ...and just so you know, I would NEVER blow up your junk!"

"After all" she smiled demurely, "I finally get to make some use of that beautiful cock of yours and I plan to get years and years of pleasure out of both it and you...Now shut up and get naked!" she demanded.

"Jawohl Mein Führer" Harry cried out, as he snapped to attention and threw a sharp salute.

"Excuse me?" enquired Hermione. "What's that all about?"

Harry pouted, "What? Only you and Ron get to act all weird and out of character?" He asked.

"Harry dear" Hermione responded.

"Hmm?" Harry asked.

"Do shut up and get your arse over here" She said as she dropped her final article of clothing and turned to wiggle her pert young bum at her boyfriend.

"Oh right" Harry said, "Time for a bit of the old hind end in and out...yes...good show..we should get right on that" Harry sputtered.

Hermione just smiled indulgently at the antics of her goof of a boyfriend.

Harry on the other hand, in a scene eerily akin to the whirling Tasmanian Devil of Warner Brothers fame, managed to disrobe at approximately 5/8ths of the speed of sound and within milliseconds was standing buck naked with his turgid member twitching at Hermione's shapely bum like some kind of erotic divining rod.

And Hermione did the only thing she could do at that point.

She burst out laughing.

'What the Hell!' thought Harry, Ron was right after all, 'Completely mental this one!'

"Hey now!" Harry cried, "Didn't your Mum ever tell you that when presented with a mans pride and joy that laughter is a sure way to kill the mood?!"

"I'm sorry Harry" Hermione chuckled, "But it was just bobbing away there, like a big fleshy conductors baton and I just struck me as funny."

"Come on over here stud and I'll make it up to you" Hermione smiled seductively.

But Harry wasn't so easily placated and as he made his way to her, Hermione could hear him muttering under his breath.

"A bloody conductors baton she says. I'll bloody show her...be whistling Beethoven's bloody 5th symphony out her arse when I'm done with her she will" Harry continued

As Harry finally approached her Hermione couldn't help but put her arms around him and draw him into an intimate embrace.

"Yes dear" She says with a smile, "I'm sure I be suitably chastised before the nights through"

Harry just reached down and took a double handful of her arse and playfully growled," Damn right you will be" as he swooped down and gave his girlfriend a toe curling kiss.

As Harry caused the Room to produce a large bed he began to back Hermione up while still plundering her mouth with his tongue and kneading her nether cheeks. Hermione meanwhile was relishing the feel of Harry's throbbing member pressed firmly against her stomach. While she didn't have vast experience with the male anatomy, in fact the only other man to rub his hard cock against her body, still fully clothed mind you, was the Bulgarian Wunderkind Victor Krum and while she had been secretly thrilled that someone like Victor would find her arousing, she could honestly say that that naughty little indulgence simply couldn't compare to the spine tingling, pussy wetting joy of a hardbodied, naked Harry Potter working his stiff prick against the exposed skin of her smooth belly.

After what seemed to be an hour the back of Hermione's knees finally made contact with the bed and she somewhat unceremoniously plopped down onto the bed losing her grip on Harry who them loomed over her grinning maniacally with his big prick inches away from her kiss swollen lips. Hermione was simply panting for it and with little hesitation she once again fondled Harry's heavy balls in one small hand and gripped the base of his cock with the other. Looking up into Harry's piercing green eyes she took the head of his rod into her mouth and began to suckle gently.

After only a few minutes Harry removed his now painfully erect member from Hermione's mouth and gruffly informed her of his intentions simply saying "It's time babe". To which Hermione responded by flipping onto to her stomach and lewdly sticking her arse into the air and giving it a bit of a wriggle.

"Ready when you are Stud" she moaned.

With that Harry reach for the lube that had suddenly appeared on the bedside table and squeezing a dab onto his fingers he began to gently smear the slick gel into Hermione's exposed nether opening. As he continued to work Hermione's puckered hole he bent over her back and suckled her earlobe causing her to moan once again as shivers ran through her body.

When Hermione thought she simply couldn't take any more she felt Harry raise up and seconds later felt the spongey head of his cock begin to seek entry into her anal passage. As he continued the pressure in an attempt to push past her anal ring he bent back over Hermione and in a soft voice whispered gently into her ear.

"Hail to the King Baby" Harry whispered as she felt the head of Harry's dick slip securely into her arse.

And the only thing she could think of was the last thing she expected to be thinking as the love of her life began to slide his length slowly into her bowels and that was...

'Did Harry just make an Army of Darkness reference while he's butt fucking me?' She confusedly wondered.

A/N Well here is my very first authors note. Somehow through feedback and favs this little bit of Harry/Hermione smut has taken on a life of its own and while sitting here with my IPad I just had a very disturbing idea...it's funny as hell but still ...slightly disturbing so be on the look out for Chapter 4 cause God help us all...Dobby is about to make an appearance!


	4. Chapter 4

Dobby was unusually excited today because he knew that Master Harry Potter sir's life had just gotten a whole lot better. Finally Master Harry and his Grangy had gotten together. Dobby knew that Master Harry would so much better for his Grangy than the loud mouthed, red headed, devourer of all in sight. Of course even Colin Creevey, who Dobby was pretty sure was a little Nancy Boy, would be better for Miss Grangy than Ron "Pardon me while I stuff an entire chicken in my mouth" Weasley.

Dobby was in Hogwarts kitchen with the rest of the elves simply passing the time doing dishes and scrubbing pots while waiting on a summons from his Master. You see, Dobby was no longer a free elf but once again had a proper Master as a good elf should. Although it had taken almost being killed to finally convince Master Harry to properly bond with him. Well that and a teensy little fib on Dobbys part. You see after crazy witch lady had stabbed Dobby with a knife and run away Master Harry was thinking that Dobby was being dying from that little poke and Dobby had let slip that if he was dying that 'the only regret he was being having was that he was never properly bonding to Master Harry Potter sir.'

Master Harry had taken that as a final wish from his faithful friend and had bonded with Dobby on the spot hoping to help ease his friends passage. But Dobby had failed to mention that when elves bond to a particularly powerful wizard or witch it provides a large boost to that elves natural magic, including their healing magic. So when the bonding was finished the deep puncture wound in Dobby's side immediately began to heal and within a matter of minutes Dobby was as good as new. Now Dobby knew that he had fibbed to his Master and was perfectly willing to repeatedly slam his pee pee in a carriage door as punishment for his atrocious behavior. But when Dobby let his Master know this, his wonderful Master had been completely forgiving Dobby's of his little fib and had forbidden Dobby from punishing himself. And that was why Dobby was so willing to bond with the great Master Harry Potter sir, as he was simply the greatest Wizard to have ever lived.

Finally Dobby received the summons he had been waiting for all morning. The Great Master Harry Potter sir was summoning Dobby to the 'come and go' room in which he had spent the night with his Grangy making the 'bang bang' ...all night long. As impressed with Master Harry's kindness as Dobby was, he was even more impressed with his Masters prowess in the bed chamber. As a result of the bonding to Master Harry, in order to serve his Master better, Dobby had known exactly what his Master had been up to and quite honestly was amazed at his Masters staying power. Every time Dobby thought that his Master was done and Dobby was anticipating a call, Dobby had been stunned to realize that after only a few minutes, Master and his Grangy was back at it like a couple of demented nymphomanic rabbits!

All the while Dobby was trying to anticipate what Master Harry and his Miss might be asking for when they finished making 'bang bang' and after each bout Dobby would have to re-prioritize what he thought his Master might be asking for. At this point Dobby came to a decision as to his Master and his Miss' needs, so grabbing a couple of bottles of water and a balm to ease the discomfort of chaffing...you know...down there...Dobby was about to pop off to the 'come and go' room to answer his Masters summons when he stopped...and conjured a small pillow with a hole in the middle for Miss Grangy's bum. Blushing slightly, knowing exactly why that pillow might be needed, Dobby finally popped off to see his Master Harry, all the while thinking that perhaps after Dobby had taken care of Master Harry Dobby might be looking up Winky as Dobby was thinking that, after knowing what Master Harry had been up to last night, a little house elf 'bang bang' might be 'just what the 'Dobby' ordered'.

A/N: There is an homage to Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf in this chapter. See if you can spot it!

If you haven't read Harry Potter & The Azkaban Parody then rush right out and do so. Freakin Hilarious!


End file.
